At many stages of life, we all come to a similar crossroads: we strive, we struggle, but still cannot change certain outcomes. So we start to ask ourselves - what is the true healing?
True healing is not making everything better, but allowing everything to happen.
Mo Yan wrote in 《Late-Blooming Flowers》: The true power does not lie in resisting, but in allowing things to occur naturally.
This sentence points out the core of self-healing:
- It is not to fight against fate, but to accept reality;
- it is not to suppress emotions, but to allow existence.
1、What is "allowance"? Why is it so important?
"Allowance" does not mean giving up and giving in passively. Instead, it means acknowledging:
- There will be regrets in life
- There will be stupidity and hypocrisy in human nature
- Efforts do not always lead to rewards
- Some things are beyond our control
When we no longer resist these facts forcefully, our hearts will relax.
Allowing everything to remain as it is is respecting the original state of things. And this respect is where healing begins.
2、A metaphor about "holding tight and releasing"
"A metaphor about "holding tight and releasing"
Imagine this scene:
You tightly grasp a rough rope, using all your strength not to let go. When you suddenly release it, two completely different states will occur:
- One is that your palm has already been scratched and is in unbearable pain
-
The other is that even without support, you can still stand
True healing is like this:
❌ Rejection - "Don't hold on too tightly, or you'll get hurt."
✅ Acceptance - Even if holding on causes injury, I am willing to go through this process.
❌ Rejection - "Complete liberation, nothing at all."
✅ Acceptance - Even if there is nothing, I can still enjoy life.
This is the power of "allowance".
3、Why do many people find "allowing" so difficult?
Many people would say:
"I know I need to accept, but I really can't do it."
This is because we mistakenly believe:
- Allowing = Giving up
- Acceptance = Failure
- Letting go = No longer being important
But in fact:
Allowing is merely stopping internal conflict. It doesn't take away your ability to move forward; instead, it reserves energy for you.
4、Practical Methods for Self-Healing (Suitable for Long-Term Use)
The following 4 methods are not theories but "inner tools" that can be repeatedly used.
1️⃣ Believe in Yourself: You are Stronger Than You Think
Please constantly remind yourself:
No matter what happens, I have the ability to face it. Nothing can truly destroy me. Therefore, I will not despair.
When your trust in yourself is stable enough, external changes will no longer be so terrifying.
2️⃣ Self-suggestion: Reconstructing the Inner Environment with Language
You can say to yourself:
I am accepting everything that is happening. I am still striving to lead a meaningful life. I am becoming a better version of myself. Within the limited capacity of my emotions, I have done my best.
These words may not immediately change the reality, but they will continuously alter the way you perceive the reality.
3️⃣ Become an Observer: View Life as an Experience
Try to imagine this:
You are a character in a game, and you are also the "player" controlling this character.
• The character will experience emotions, failures, and losses.
• But the player knows: all of this is part of the storyline.
When you transform from a "participant" to an "observer", the intensity of emotions will naturally decrease.
4️⃣ Starting from "the inside": Healing is not about repair, but about returning
True healing is not about making you stronger, but about bringing you back to a stable, authentic, and no-longer-self-contradicting state.
Healing ultimately depends on your "heart".
The significance of mindfulness lies in this:
Not controlling emotions, but allowing emotions to exist.
5、Self-healing is a path that everyone will take.
I often think of a scene:
The conversation between Lu Yu （Famous host - podcast host）and Zhang Xiaohui（Columnist, fashion blogger-- Used to spend money extravagantly, with debts amounting to 200 million.）.
Two truly "leading ladies", with restrained language, clear thinking, and calm eyes. But you can almost be certain - women who have been refined to such a degree through time, none of them haven't had countless flaws behind them?
Some say:
People age quickly, but wake up slowly.
But what I want to say more is:
As long as one can wake up while still alive, it is already not in vain for this life.
The truly terrifying thing is not experiencing pain, but - some people spend their entire lives not being able to heal themselves from the pain.
This is why self-healing is so important.
No matter what you have experienced:
• Emotional trauma
• Imbalance in interpersonal relationships
• Middle-aged confusion
• Self-doubt
Ultimately, you will all discover:
The only one who can accompany you to the end is yourself.
The outside world can support you, but it cannot complete the healing for you.
6、Self-healing is a path that everyone will take.
Conclusion: Permission is the gentlest force
When you allow regrets to exist, allow imperfections to occur, and allow life to temporarily come to a standstill,
you will gradually become:
• Gentle
• Relaxed
• Open-minded
True healing is not "getting better", but rather -You finally stop fighting against yourself.
This is where the true beginning of self-healing lies.
---Extended Reading and Resources
When you can't hold on any longer, you might as well take a look at these words.
More other great items and good books recommended :
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